Skip to main content

Art of Appraisal


Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".

Ramesh: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.

Ramesh: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

Ramesh: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

Ramesh: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.

Ramesh: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

Ramesh: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

Ramesh: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.

Ramesh: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

Ramesh: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.

Ramesh: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.

Ramesh: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.

Ramesh: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

Ramesh: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

Ramesh: *faints*

Labels

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I knew you would come!

There were two childhood buddies who went through school and college and even joined the army together. War broke out and they were fighting in the same unit. One night they were ambushed. Bullets were flying all over and out of the darkness came a voice, "Harry, please come and help me." Harry immediately recognized the voice of his childhood buddy, Bill . He asked the captain if he could go. The captain said, "No, I can't let you go, I am already short-handed and I cannot afford to lose one more person. Besides, the way Bill sounds he is not going to make it." Harry kept quiet. Again the voice came, "Harry, please come and help me." Harry sat quietly because the captain had refused earlier. Again and again the voice came. Harry couldn't contain himself any longer and told the captain, "Captain, this is my childhood buddy. I have to go and help." The captain reluctantly let him go. Harry crawled through the darkness and dragged Bill back...
Post a Comment
Read more

I'm broke!!!

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner . "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time , I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners..." "Go away!" said the old lady. "I'm broke and haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open... "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "Now if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." The old lady stepped back and said, "Well, let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning....
2 comments
Read more

Rajini Mania :)

Rajnikanth was bragging to Amitabh Bachan one day, “You know, I know everyone. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them. Tired of his boasting, Amitabh Bachan called his bluff, “OK, Rajini how about Tom Cruise?” “Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it” Rajini said. So Rajini and Amitabh Bachan fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, And sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts : “Thalaiva! Great to see you! You And your friends come right in and join me for lunch!” …Although impressed, Amitabh Bachan is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Rajini that he thinks Rajini knowing Cruise was Just lucky. “No, no, just name anyone else” Rajini says …”President Obama”, Amitabh Bachan quickly retorts …”Yes”, Rajini says, “I know him. And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Rajini on the tour and motions him, saying, : “Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of c...
1 comment
Read more