My Idiot Box

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner . "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time , I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners..." "Go away!" said the old lady. "I'm broke and haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open... "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "Now if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." The old lady stepped back and said, "Well, let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning."

A lady told her Husband to go to the store to buy cigarettes. He walks down to the store to find it closed.So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman n starts talking to her. They hv few beers n one thing leads to another n they end up in her apartment. Later, he wakes up n realizes its 3AM n says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to get really angr...y. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some powder. He rubs it on his hands n leaves. At the door, angry wife "Where the hell hv u been?" "Well, honey, I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great lukin girl there n we hd a few drinks n one thing led to another n I ended up in bed with her." "Oh yeah? Lemme c ur hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder . "You God damn liar! You were playing pool again!" Moral of the st

One Night 4 college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day. In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said ... that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test. So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they will be ready by that time. On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days. The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks. Q.1. Your Name......................... ( 2 MARKS ) Q.2. Which tyre burst?............... (98 MARKS) a

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch .... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 -

  The Post Office Get ready to imagine a world without the post office. They are so deeply in financial trouble that there is probably no way to sustain it long term. Email, Fed Ex, and UPS have just about wiped out the minimum revenue needed to keep the post office alive. Most of your mail every day is junk mail and bills. The Cheque Britain is already laying the groundwork to do away with cheque by 2018. It costs the financial system billions of dollars a year to process cheques. Plastic cards and online transactions will lead to the eventual demise of the cheque. This plays right into the death of the post office. If you never paid your bills by mail and never received them by mail, the post office would absolutely go out of business. The Newspaper The younger generation simply doesn't read the newspaper. They certainly don't subscribe to a daily delivered print edition. That may go the wa

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee. When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups have been taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups..